The other frustration I have is the more disheartening. Although I love the organ, and not having regular access to a dependable and adequate instrument is frustrating, my inability to get people to show any serious interest in my music frustrates m. Yes, I know the cliché stories of composers and artists whose works were largely (though not totally) ignored, even disdained, during their lifetimes or received the slings and arrows of negative reviews, but then became recognised late in life or after their dead, which of course did them no good at all. But, at least they got to be heard, albeit sporadically, but at least heard.
Of course, I'm told that the act of composing, like any creative act, is supposed to be an end unto itself. But, those who tell me this are 1) not composers or 2) composers who have had the fortune of being performed. The idea of creating as an end in and of itself is not without merit; but, that can only get you so far. A painter paints not for himself, but for the world to see his vision. Van Gogh, who is perhaps the quintessential example of the unfulfilled artist, wanted desperately to have the world see his work, and yes, to occasionally sell it. What good is having an artistically creative revelation and not being able to share it with the world? Why write music that won't be heard? I can take great satisfaction drawing that double bar knowing I have achieved the goal of composing a piece of music; but, it doesn't end there. It's music. It needs to be heard or why else did it come into existence? To just lie there on my hard drive or manuscript and become so much wasted memory or paper?
I'm sick and tired of the condescension. This comes in two fashions: I send somebody some music because they expressed interest it, and they tell how wonderful it is; then proceed either not learn it or even show a colleague hoping he or she will be interested. Or it's (I'm) completely ignored, with not even recognition of receipt. If you don't like the music then say so; however, if you do like what I've written then PROVE IT!
Although this is not news, I've realised now for some time that, in the classical music world, if you aren't affiliated with a music department at a college or university you will not be heard as a composer. If fact, you simply don't exist, no matter how much you've written or how good your music is. These affiliations mean everything. Performers are not interested in quality when it comes to doing new music; it's your academic connexions and your fashionableness, whether it be artistic (Glass, Pärt, Reich, Gorecki, etc) or socio-politcal (Higdon, Coates, Anderson-Harold)
I joined Facebook in order to: 1) reconnect with people and family and to network with people in my art form, thinking (foolishly) that maybe I might be able to interest people in my music, since I'm not affiliated with a school, this might help. Unfortunately, all that it seems to have done is isolate me more.
So, I figure it's time to make some changes. It's pretty evident that some of my "friends" are totally meaningless, particularly when it comes to music. Therefore, I have some serious re-evaluations to make regarding my musical connections, maybe Facebook altogether. I'm just tired of beating my head against the wall.
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