Sunday 3 November 2019

My WCC Quandary

I need to get this off my chest.  It pertains to my ambivalent feelings toward Westminster Choir College, notwithstanding its ongoing battle with its current owner Rider University.  I have had conflicted feelings about my alma mater since the day I graduated and quite probably before.  To this day I'm not sure what my feelings are toward WCC.  Too be sure, I do have some wonderful memories; yet, even those are tinged with a certain wistfulness, perhaps even melancholy, when I realise the end result of my ubiety there.  It may explain my lack of sanguinity over WCC possible demise.  I'm only a few years away from leaving this earth (or more accurately becoming part of it) and my memories aren't exactly the most approbative.

It was in in eighth grade that I discovered the magnificence and overwhelming glory of the organ.  It was from that point on I wanted to be a musician, specifically an organist — like Virgil Fox.   I never studied piano; I went directly to the organ.  It was the organ I wanted to master and nothing else.  Of course one thing usually leads to another; and after some time I also became interested in composing music.  Even though the organ was always my first love, it was through that instrument that I became interested in all aspects of serious music.*  My high school music teacher was a fellow named Joseph Bachak; and, after examining two choral pieces I had written, particularly a setting to Psalm 100, was convinced that should study composition and offered I take music theory (which I did; there were two of us in the class).  He even recommended I apply to New England Conservatory or Boston University (his alma mater).  However, a teenager's life being the bundle of conflicts that it is, it was  my acquaintance with the music director of the neighbouring high school whose choir had come to visit my school. I discovered that David Porkola was not only an organist, but an exceptional one. That and my seeing how much more intense the music programme was at that school, and my welcome "to hang out" there and eventual involvement with kids in that music programme, permanently cemented my desire to study music formally.  He would occasionally refer to "Westminster" and his stories about his organ teacher Alexander MacCurdy fascinated me.  The fact that Glassboro High had this incredible sounding choir was his doing; something he attributed to his study at "Westminster."  He left to do his graduate work at Union Theological Seminary (which at the the time had the premier graduate level organ department in the country) and I never got to know to which Westminster he referred.  I applied to Westminster College in western Pennsylvania, and realised that it wasn't the right one (even though it had nice music department), then I learned bout Westminster Choir College and that it had best organ department in the world.  I realised that was the Westminster Dave was referencing. I applied (as well as to a dozen other schools) had my audition with George Markey on the chapel organ and was accepted (mostly on potential) as one of his students, something I later found out was considered to be very special.

So, that was my entry into what I thought was going to be the school of my dreams.  As it turned out... well, it's hard to say.  I adored Dr. Markey.  He was a wonderful teacher.  I just wish I could have been a better student.  All I wanted to do was study the organ, but, of course there were other things that needed to be learnt.  I loved theory; and although I didn't actually hate ear training it (as well as sight singing) just never fully developed, and has atrophied since.  It's been a principal source of my feelings of inadequacy.  The Vietnam War was major influence in my gradual decline in academic standing.  At the time deferments for teachers were still recognised, and the last thing I wanted was to be drafted into that heinous conflict.  Ergo, I switched from a church music degree to education (which pleased my father since "it gave me something to fall back on") which then doubled my academic load to the point to which I couldn't focus on anything.  As a result ended up becoming considerably less than I wanted to be.   Having what was (and still is) undiagnosed ADD didn't help with trying set priorities.  Moreover, as a result of my switch I had to become a tri-semester senior in order make up the credits for graduation.  Look, I never wanted to be an elementary or high school teacher.  Practise teaching was an egregious experience and my practicum at Audubon High was simply miserable.  I had a mean spirited, overly possessive teacher who would not let me near his choir; so, I ended up teaching theory, somewhat.  It didn't help that I also had to have both wisdom teeth removed then.  The bastard gave me a D.

After my fateful (if not fatal) change of majors, I made two more stupid changes:  taking German and switching to another organ teacher.  I'll never forgive Frau Silz for not letting me drop German.  I ended up with a D in that course as well, and a C in my major instrument; something from which I've never recovered.   I left Dr. Markey not because I wanted to, but because I felt I was no longer worthy to study under him.  Of course, breaking my right wrist in my Freshman year put a bit of a damper on my playing; not realising it was more than a sprain for three of four weeks encumbered the healing process considerably through to the end of the second semester.  The one good thing, it gave me the opportunity to learn the Middelschulte "Perpetual Motion" for pedals alone.  But, even before that, during the first semester, I had the good fortune of contracting viral Meningitis from which I nearly died.  Then again shortly before the end of the second semester of "first" senior year Whilst playing frisbee Tim Dobbins decided to tackle me as if we were playing NFL football from which I received a a broken clavicle.  I still have a slight slope in my left shoulder.

The numerous Symphonic Choir concerts from which I was routinely cut further disheartened me.  I never auditioned for the Chapel Touring Choir or Westminster Choir simply because I thought I just wasn't good enough.  Let me tell you, not being able to participate in those Symphonic Choir concerts was a monumental disappointment and only contributed to my perceived exiguousness.  After spending all that practise and rehearsal time learning these great masterpieces and then to be told (essentially) that I wasn't good enough to participate just seemed so unfair.  Now, I know other people would be cut occasionally from concerts; however, it just seemed that my exclusions seemed inordinately high.  The one cut that hurt the most was missing out on the "Missa Solemnis" with Bernstein conducting.  It still hurts.  I think a large part of it was (excepting one or two other students I knew) I loved the orchestra more than others did.  I wanted to learn it all, and it was probably one of the reasons the two courses of study in which I excelled were conducting and orchestration.  I loved conducting class and was a natural. It was the area I did my ill-fated (again) graduate study.  That's another sad story as result of my poor decision making.

As an organist I was non-comformist to the Baroque/purist movement that was so popular at the time (being a fan of Virgil Fox at that time was apostate); I felt not a little out of place.  This may have been influential as to my burgeoning interest in conducting and to the resuscitation of my interest in composition.  I spent more time improvising and composing, and less on pretty much anything else.  Fortunately, the a saving grace in my final two years at WCC was my studying and ultimate friendship with Malcolm Williamson.  My lessons with him were one revelation after another.  He was the most accomplished and encyclopaedic musician I have (and probably will) ever meet.  He and Dr. Markey were the two faculty members who demonstrated to me the most generosity of spirit.  Except for my Markey organ lessons and Williamson composition studies, I felt that I was pretty much a bystander.

There was a third saving grace without whom my existence at WCC might have been intolerable, and that was my roommate and best friend from my Sophomore year till graduation George Gray.  Nobody else had his easy going, funny, yet musically determined approach to life than he.  In short he made me laugh and enjoy just about anytime we spent together.  When he walked into a room it was as if the world became a truly enjoyable planet.  It's very difficult to pin down.  George could say things that no one else could.  He just had this amazing ability to simply make everybody feel better.  I can easily say it was an honour to have had him as my roommate those 3.5 years (we were both tri-semester seniors).  One of my biggest regrets (of the infinite number) is that in later years I let him down in an aborted attempt to be the organist at his church.

Which takes me to my post-WCC life, which because I knew I was less than what I should have been — essentially a fraud — I consequently made innumerable poor decisions (two failed marriages, a failed business venture, failed graduate degrees, etc) to compensate for my perceived inadequacies from which I have paid the price and as a result ended up to this present day being so, so, so much less than I should have been.  The sin of it all is I know I still have these abilities and knowledge that very, very few other musicians have.  I absolutely know if put in front an orchestra I could conduct them better than almost any or the so-called hot shots currently standing on podia.  I see choral conductors (some who currently teach at WCC!) who scandalise me with their dreadful technique.

I could ramble on; but why?  It's pretty evident what the future holds for me.  Unfortunately, so much of this goes back to my years at WCC.  Do I blame the school?  I don't know.  I can't help thinking that if I had gone another school (NEC?) and studied composition or conducting things would be different.  More importantly, I went on to college before I ready — something to this day of which I'm convinced is truly the case.  The things a young person will do to earn the respect of one's parents, particularly the father.  Nevertheless, all decisions made were mine (with the singularly consequential exception of the coercive Frau Priscilla Silz).  Ergo, I have no one else to blame.
I know full well that the decisions I made have resulted in my now seeing at where I am at 71 years of age with nothing to show of what I know or could have been.

We go through life with as they say, "there but for the grace of God;"  And, having been more than once an hair's breadth away from homelessness I certainly know what that means.  My decisions were mine, as infelicitous as they were; they are mine and I must contend with that fact.  And one of those fateful decisions was to attend Westminster Choir College.  I will die without even remotely accomplishing whatever goals, no matter how small, I may have set for myself.  So be it.  As the saying goes: "Life's a bitch, and then you die." Or as Ezra Pound said:  "It don't make no difference" (I'm sure nobody will get irony of that statement).

*Evidently it was more of a reawakening of what had been an early proclivity to classical music.  I vaguely remember "conducting" to my Aunt Dottie's Toscanini  recording of the Beethoven Symphonies; something she sensed in me but was either not recognised or was dismissed by my parents.  My father being an engineer and science oriented was obviously more interested in my primary obsession at the time — palaeontology.  Thus music lay dormant until my twelfth and thirteenth years and the discovery of Virgil Fox's "Encores" album.

Thursday 17 October 2019

Why Do We Hate Smart People?

I think we need to reflect on why America hates intellectuals; more so now than ever before.  The first time I was aware of this uniquely American phenomenon was way back in the late 60's and early 70's when Spiro Agnew referred to the media as "elitists controlled by effete snobs (i.e. intellectuals)," referring to them also as "nattering nabobs of negativism." The trend continued to expand from there through Reagan, Clinton, Bush II to the present through whom Donald J. Trump has manifested its worst incarnation.

But, of course, it goes back farther than that; it's just that in the late 20th century till now it has become the dominating force behind all politics.  Today we could never elect a JFK or Jimmy Carter or FDR or Theodore, Roosevelt, or Abraham Lincoln.  No, they just wouldn't be flashy or "charismatic" (i.e. celebrity) enough to command the majority of America's electorate.  You see, in our present society we don't want to learn:  not just about politics, but ANYTHING that requires deliberation — thoughtful, introspective, cognitive thought.  The vast majority of Americans are an intellectually slothful lot.  I constantly hear the pundits on shows on MSNBC, CNN, PBS talk about how Americans don't follow this stuff (issues of the day) and are too wrapped up in their everyday lives to concern themselves with the matters in Washington.  That's bunk.  If you can read, if you can watch television, if you can hear the radio, if you are in anyway exposed to social media (the worst source of information), i.e., if you can, in any fashion, be exposed to the news, you can take a few minutes out of your day and learn about the people in Washington — whose decisions affect your life — are doing with your tax dollars, then you have no excuse.  Being informed is a civic duty.  Educating one's self as to political matters is vital to choosing good people to represent you.

Yet, the American electorate are pathetically ignorant of what their congresspersons and senators are doing on any issue, whether it's taxes, voting rights, reproductive rights, racism, foreign affairs, immigration, global warming, you name it; most Americans are profoundly ignorant.  One of the late night talk show hosts — Kimmel or Fallon — for awhile, would have these "man/woman on the street"  segments asking questions such as:  "Are you in favour of Obamacare?" to which (at the time a few years ago) most said they were against it.  Then, when asked if in favour of the Affordable Care Act they would be almost unanimous their approval! 10% of COLLEGE GRADS think Judge Judy is a member of the Supreme Court! Of course there were even worse examples such as not knowing who their senator (much less congressperson) was, or who was FDR.  I no longer watch late night TV since I have to get up at 5:10 a.m. during the week; but, it's just as well; because, I simply can't stand the embarrassment of how what is supposed to be the world's greatest democracy can be purportedly governed by such a mass of stupidity.  All I used to say to myself when I witnessed these farces was: "and these people vote?"  Fortunately, not many of them probably do, since... well, they can't be bothered or some other lame excuse.

Hence, Donald J. Trump.  HEY, BUT WAIT!  Didn't we elect Barack Obama?  Yeah, so? My point exactly.  Let's face it, as good as a lot of Democrats think he was — now — he was, for the most part (granted with the one substantial passage of the ACA) a pretty ineffectual president when it came to legislation and foreign affairs (remember the Red Line?).  Nevertheless, that doesn't really matter simply because he was a good president elected for all the wrong reasons:  Celebrity.  Celebrity is the primary means of getting elected.  Americans only vote for those they know through the celebrity sausage machine.  Barack Obama was elected because he was young, black and insouciant.  It was those qualities, plus the critical prerequisite endorsement of EFK and the rest of the clan, which first got him nominated and then elected.  His election had little to do with any policies which he never fully articulated during the campaign; it was all personality.  No different than Trump. And that's the problem. Democrats are looking for some one more dynamic, and at the same time familiar, to go up against Trump, who has managed to exploit the gullibility of the simpleminded of our society, who are currently at least 30-40% of the electorate, and hold an inordinate influence on our elections by means of the antiquated, corrupt, and now vulnerable electoral college system.

All this is a result of our dismal public education system which is funded, and therefore highly politicised, through the individual state/commonwealth governments, primarily by means of property taxes.  State and local governments are notoriously corrupt.  What I mean by corrupt is that the influence of money is is greater than it is in the federal government by the simple fact that the influencers don't need to spend as much as they need to at the federal level (This DOES NOT preclude the big money influence in D. C.  It's just easier at the state and local level!).  As a result, we have this system in which those who have money, and therefore, own (and can mostly afford) more highly taxed property get the better schools; whereas, those who own low end property, or can't afford to own property (rent) pay little or no taxes and therefore get the crumby schools.  Since most people don't have a lot of money or own high end property, it's most children who end up with the lower quality education.  The end result is an electorate who not only don't know anything outside their own sphere of experience, but simply don't care or realise their fiduciary responsibilities as citizens of a democratic society.  

A democratic society is dependent on an educated, critical thinking electorate:  something which America severely lacks, and has lacked for most of its existence.  The difference is with the current availability of knowledge accessibility, there simply is no excuse for the United States to regress from whence it has evolved because we, as a nation, refuse to treat learning and intellectual pursuit as a societal priority.

As the French philosopher Joseph de Maistre said:  "Every country gets the government it deserves."

Friday 11 October 2019

Hard Cogitation Stuff

It's been along time (again); It's not that I haven't had a lot on my mind; just the opposite.  I can't seem to seem to decide where to begin.  I've tried to stay away from politics since the current state of affairs is so aggravating it's almost paralysing.  Nevertheless, I feel the need to express my thoughts about what's happening to our country and things more immediate to me; e.g. the impending demise of my alma mater Westminster Choir College.  Today it's Trump et al and our critically flawed electoral system — Russia notwithstanding.

Unfortunately, I was one of that small number of Democratic voters (although I'm registered independent) in 2016 who believed Michael Moore was right in predicting Trump's technical win.  As anybody with a modicum of intelligence can determine, the 2000 and the 2016 elections resoundingly  illustrate how completely dysfunctional the Electoral College concept has become.  In today's world it has become not only antiquated but is patently anti-democratic, as it disproportionately advantages the smaller, usually more rurally populated states.  As we all know those states which are primarily located in the midwest and the south and are traditionally very conservative; states in which women, people of colour, and non-traditional sexual orientation are still not not only disenfranchised, but often oppressed.  Id Est, states whose primary electorate is made up of white, marginally educated (i.e., yes, they can read, and may be able think, but simply refuse to do either), consciously or unconsciously racist and sexist, and unremittingly xenophobic.

These people, by virtue of their dismal education, are easily subject to pontifications, simplistic ideas and provocations of demagogues.  These are the same people who are more than happy to accept and believe in the casus belli of such a provocateur, not unlike the those who followed, Chairman Mao, Hitler, Stalin, Napoleon, Joseph McCarthy, etc.  This are the vulgus whose motto is: "My mind is made up.  Don't confuse me with the facts."  Quite simply this is the part of the electorate who simply can't fathom making an error in judgement.  As a result, the more they ARE shown the truth they dig deeper into the quagmire of their deliberate ignorance and will grope for anything, ANYTHING, that befits their preconceived and ill-informed ideas.  The end result, by means of the incommensurate Electoral College is a corrupt, sociopathic, charlatan such as Donald J. Trump becomes the buffoon leader of the free world; and everything the United States has endeavoured to achieve over the past seventy plus years goes to hell in a hand basket.

The truly depressing aspect of all of this is that this moronic, simpleminded segment of our society comprises over 30% of our electorate!  Ladies and gentlemen, we're talking millions, MILLIONS of people here who think this moral reprobate, this incessant prevaricator, emotionally arrested man-child; some one who has demonstrated over, and over that 1) he has absolutely no comprehension of constitutional governance and 2) doesn't care to learn about that or any other aspect of what his job entails is the greatest thing since the wheel.   They love him because he talks and acts like a sixth grade bully.  They'll excuse his lying about the wall, they'll excuse the loss of jobs he promised to keep, they'll excuse the higher cost to everything he's caused because of his trade wars with virtually everybody, they'll excuse his disgusting attitude toward women, the handicapped, and his overt racism because he talks their language.  They've deluded themselves into thinking he's "one of them."   The blinders are on so tight they simply can't see that Donald J. Trump doesn't give one iota, not a damn about any of them.  He knows how easily the stupid can be manipulated, and they've proven him right.                              

Thursday 5 September 2019

Quincy problem(s)

So, why the "s" in parenthesis?  Because Quincy has one main problem responsible for its economic malaise, which of course, results in the labyrinthine number of exasperations that currently exist in the "village" of Quincy, MA:  our current (and hope to be former) mayor.  I've lived in Quincy for a little over three years now and I already have become aware of the bumbling and possibly flagitious management of his city.  My general observation is that Quincy, despite its size (its is the largest city in Norfolk County and the eighth largest in the commonwealth) and relative historical significance, doesn't know what it wants to be i.e., it has no cogent, definitive, or enlightened strategy for economic development and cultural growth.   I suppose it's no surprise when you have an obtuse, meretricious mayor and a vexatiously complaisant council who will simply rubber stamp whatever hizzonor asks; who in turn is more than willing to bend over (and I don't mean backward) for whatever his chief donors expect.

Of course, the result is a large city with a very small town character.  I mean just look at Hancock Street.  I drive or walk down Hancock almost every day and see those two housing eyesores being built amid the increasing number of empty storefronts, bottom end retailers and addiction recovery facilities and wonder: Where is this exciting downtown development.  The condos are bad enough (at least the inhabitants will pay some form of property taxes); but that huge apartment complex Nova is hideous. Not only is it bloody ugly (why is that these projects invariably choose the least imaginative architects?), but it contributes nothing to the tax base.  And who among those future renters is going to have the disposable income when these places start at $1499 for studio?  There's already a paucity of sufficiently well-heeled denizens to make Hancock Street into a legitimately vibrant commercial centre.  Notwithstanding the Patriot Ledger's recent article on Quincy's turn toward commercial development, the project looks like a sprawling mish-mash supposedly focused around a medical facility with the developer's insistence (and ultimate Council's "roll-over Rover" approval) of the Whitwell apartment complex monstrosity.  Both are totally wrong:  first, the sprawling size and nature of "medical centre"  is better suited for the outer areas of the city, not downtown,  Second, the Whitwell project, like the other rental complexes, will be a drain on the city because (as we all know) renters don't pay property taxes.  Oh, and why does it constantly have to be FoxRock Properties Tommy?  Well, I can think of 100,000 reasons why.

Tuesday 20 August 2019

Yes, It's Personal, and Don't Think It Could Be Otherwise


Rejection is not easy.  I don't give two hat full's of you-know-what about what anybody says to the contrary.  Employment rejection is hard enough.  When some inane, insipid, incompetent, no-nothing Human Resources moron, who knows nothing about the position for which you are applying, trashes your résumé and cover letter; or (worse yet), when HR, in their infinite laziness, trash your résumé or CV, and letter because it doesn't have the proper buzz words to correspond to the algorithm they've set up against which they scan it.  To these conscienceless, over paid, do nothing, hacks it's not personal.  Of course it isn't personal — to them.  How can a cold-blooded, mindless automaton think otherwise?  Notwithstanding, when you are the person on the other end, it can't be anything other than personal.  How can it not be? By simple virtue of the idea that it "it's nothing personal" makes it so.